Imperfection.
I know I haven't blogged in awhile. I had LOTS to say about what went on in my life, but I just can't mention them without offending people. Marc asked why is it I always meet ppl with assholes larger than their waists, so go figure. Haha!
Happy updates: received acceptance letters from
Ntu and smu!! :D :D :D after much thinking I have decided to stick with my choice of smu, though I plan to sit on it awhile before sending in my response. Yayy!
Other than the 3 nutcases I talked to, all else left to blog was pretty much still whining. Was waiting for the emoing to go away before I blogged but with each week it just got worse.. Everyone seems to think I've disappeared-wiped off our BLAZINGLY beautiful country (so hot cannot tahan! Even indoors with fan I worry about heatstroke), but truth is I have managed to hide myself from almost all gatherings/meetups. I hate myself for being such a hermit but I just can't bring myself to let anyone see me when I myself can't accept me. I pretend I don't care, I pretend I'm happy the way I am but I'm not. It doesn't help that my ballet instructor suggested I should lose weight and my mom tells me I look like I'm 3 months pregnant. It's always getting to me. I was so upset when I was skinny and everyone said I was anorexic. Now I'm as unhappy as ever cos I'm fat. And now that I'm back doing ballet I really do see how shedding the excess weight will help me lift my leg higher, better lines.. :( I don't even think I'm angry with them-im frustrated with myself for knowing I should watch my diet yet failing to do so.
And for the record, it wasn't anorexia. It was more like orthorexia, though self diagnosed. I was into eating 'healthy'. I was living off mainly fruits and vegetables and some fish-cooked without salt or fat. So yes, for those of you who kept asking for the 'secret' or 'diet tips', here you go. And no, it isn't healthy. (just in case you din notice the inverted comma)
..sighs. Okay okay I know im being grumpy and angsty, and I'm awfully sorry for taking it out on everyone who is reading this. I can probably dispense a truckload of advice addressed to myself but I just can't help it. I'm sure you understand how it feels.. Okay enough ranting for now- I'm gonna get cross-eyed from all the squinting (I'm blogging with my iphone! Touch keypad..) last night I dreamt I could do double and triple pirouettes effortlessly without HOPPING. It was so GOOD. Please let me dream it again!! Good night! B| (asleep with eye pillow)
Happy updates: received acceptance letters from
Ntu and smu!! :D :D :D after much thinking I have decided to stick with my choice of smu, though I plan to sit on it awhile before sending in my response. Yayy!
Other than the 3 nutcases I talked to, all else left to blog was pretty much still whining. Was waiting for the emoing to go away before I blogged but with each week it just got worse.. Everyone seems to think I've disappeared-wiped off our BLAZINGLY beautiful country (so hot cannot tahan! Even indoors with fan I worry about heatstroke), but truth is I have managed to hide myself from almost all gatherings/meetups. I hate myself for being such a hermit but I just can't bring myself to let anyone see me when I myself can't accept me. I pretend I don't care, I pretend I'm happy the way I am but I'm not. It doesn't help that my ballet instructor suggested I should lose weight and my mom tells me I look like I'm 3 months pregnant. It's always getting to me. I was so upset when I was skinny and everyone said I was anorexic. Now I'm as unhappy as ever cos I'm fat. And now that I'm back doing ballet I really do see how shedding the excess weight will help me lift my leg higher, better lines.. :( I don't even think I'm angry with them-im frustrated with myself for knowing I should watch my diet yet failing to do so.
And for the record, it wasn't anorexia. It was more like orthorexia, though self diagnosed. I was into eating 'healthy'. I was living off mainly fruits and vegetables and some fish-cooked without salt or fat. So yes, for those of you who kept asking for the 'secret' or 'diet tips', here you go. And no, it isn't healthy. (just in case you din notice the inverted comma)
..sighs. Okay okay I know im being grumpy and angsty, and I'm awfully sorry for taking it out on everyone who is reading this. I can probably dispense a truckload of advice addressed to myself but I just can't help it. I'm sure you understand how it feels.. Okay enough ranting for now- I'm gonna get cross-eyed from all the squinting (I'm blogging with my iphone! Touch keypad..) last night I dreamt I could do double and triple pirouettes effortlessly without HOPPING. It was so GOOD. Please let me dream it again!! Good night! B| (asleep with eye pillow)
posted by lorna at
11:41 AM
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